


Like the Night Sky

by h_itoshi



Series: Love February 2021 (Rarepairs) [6]
Category: NEWS (Japan Band)
Genre: Gen, Writer's Block, and some therapy writing, if that's what we call it, tw: tegogate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29442906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_itoshi/pseuds/h_itoshi
Summary: Honestly, he doesn't know why he even writes. None of the characters he normally feels so close to does what he wants, the mood in the scene is wrong and it doesn't come out anything like he planned.Prompt: Muse
Series: Love February 2021 (Rarepairs) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149329
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	Like the Night Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Is this even a rarepair? I count it as tegoshige if you squint, otherwise just news and that's rare as it is since practically nobody writes it (hi rai).  
> I'm kinda sorry about this, but then again I don't think it's that brutal so.

Shige hates writing. He hates how much effort it takes compared to the result, hates how it drains his brain and how it cuts his confidence to zero in no time. Just one bad session is enough to put him in a terrible mood, feeling worthless and talentless, like he's a complete fraud and nobody should read him in order to spare themselves.

He sighs and leans back in his swiveling chair, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands to try and get the bright screen imprint away from his retina.

Honestly, he doesn't know why he even writes. None of the characters he normally feels so close to does what he wants, the mood in the scene is wrong and it doesn't come out anything like he planned. It shouldn't be so damn hard to just get two people who only exist in his head to do what he wants, but clearly, he can control his characters as little as his thoughts.

It's like they've manifested themselves in physical form inside Shige's brain and pushes different directions on his nerves, making his fingers type something that doesn't match the signal his brain tries to give.

He swivels away from the screen and gets up. He has tricks to get out of a severe writing block, but the best is to simply leave it for a few days. Unfortunately, he doesn't have time for that right now.

He goes to the kitchen and opens his fridge, hoping for something to have magically appeared in there that he can eat or drink to encourage his brain to work a little harder on suppressing the little people in there. When he thinks of it like that, it seems cruel to rob them of their own free will, but then he determinedly reminds himself they're his very own creation and it's his right to control them. Like it's his right to control his limbs.

There's nothing new in the fridge, unsurprisingly, and Shige figures he will just have to resort to the garbage. There's a cheap white wine that Koyama left at his place once, and Shige figures it will have to do. At least it's sugary, if he knows Koyama. He grabs a glass from the cupboard and screws off the cork, pouring himself a generous amount and watches the glass fog up from the cold.

It doesn't smell great but it's something.

Shige returns to his chair and determinedly sits down, but it only takes ten minutes and half the wine glass before he's too frustrated to go on again. There's something about his characters that makes him feel uneasy, traits that come out that he doesn't like and doesn't want them to have, but there they are. He drinks some cheap wine and picks up his phone instead, checking some news and then moves on to social media. He never posts anything, but he likes to keep up with what happens in the opinionated world.

Shige's finger freezes on the screen, making his phone think he wants to share something, but he can't seem to move, because there he is, like he was summoned by Shige's uneasy brain.

A video preview of Tegoshi with lots of annoying text around him, stupid questions that look like the front cover of a sleazy magazine.

Suddenly, Shige's furious. He stares for another second or so, then tosses his phone aside on the table, screen down.

He knows he's not supposed to feel anything towards Tegoshi anymore. Indifference is the best emotion he could wish for, and so far, it's worked fairly well. When he's prepared.

He hates social media for acting like a privileged man not understanding that no means no, doing its absolut best to nestle things he's blocked into his feed. He hates being surprised like this.

He closes his eyes and draws a deep breath, feeling the alcohol heating his cheeks and thinking that he's just overreacting because he had a bad day already.

Then corrects himself, because he's not actually overreacting. He's very much allowed to hate Tegoshi right now, because he's the whole reason Shige's day was bad to begin with.

Maybe he just needs to do this.

Slowly, he opens his eyes, and opens a new document on his screen, a clean white page, and watches the cursor blinking impatiently while it waits for him to do something.

Sometimes, you just have to write things down to get them out of your head, Shige figures, and starts typing.

He names the character Sora, because it feels good, encapsuling the brightness of the warmest sun and the blackest storms at the same time, the highest highs and lowest lows that was always Tegoshi. He doesn't bother making it a man or a woman, just a someone, a someone that starts out shy and sweet, and then slowly transforms as they learn to manipulate with their charm.

Shige writes their entire history together. Writes about when there were nine, then six of them and they were happy, when they were left and nobody thought they could make it alone. When they were the cake that someone had plucked the strawberries off. When they vowed that they would always be together, to do their best for each other.

Shige writes down every time he remembers where Tegoshi said he loved him. The context, the way the words were said. How much he believed them.

The times Tegoshi cried and they all comforted him. The words that were said that clearly meant nothing.

He writes down the exact conversation where they learned what Tegoshi had decided to do, word by word because he remembers it like someone etched it onto his brain. Every shift in Tegoshi's facial expression, every nuance of his voice.

They never talked about it, the three of them that were left. Not about exactly that, not about the emotions they had. He knows Koyama talks to people, and Massu can talk to Nakamaru, if he needs to talk to anyone at all. Shige doesn't actually know if Massu needs it. But Shige didn't want to talk about it.

He wanted to keep his feelings to himself because he really couldn't sort them out. The vehement hate that he knew he shouldn't feel, the spitefulness that's so ugly he doesn't want to share it, and somewhere, underneath all that, a love that can't seem to be destroyed no matter what Tegoshi did to them. To him.

He ends his 8 page piece with Sora walking away, and Shige realizes he's crying.

He draws a deep breath, and looks at the little save icon at the top of the page. He's not sure if he really should save this.

But then he does, because he feels like he just put away a huge, ugly chunk of his heart into electronic pages, and he doesn't want to be careless with his heart.

Hopefully, this will help, he thinks as he rubs away a tear on his cheek with his sleeve. Hopefully, he can write again without any of Tegoshi's traits in his characters blocking him.

He sighs and closes his laptop, before picking up his phone again, not feeling nearly as aggressive as he did last time when it unlocks to reveal the preview of Tegoshi's video. He just feels drained.

He goes to his phone app instead and mindlessly scrolls to Koyama's number.

He thinks he's finally ready to talk about it.

~*~

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to write half of the Love February prompts, which means four each week. And I decided that it was a good time to try out stuff I've been meaning to write but never did, so please allow me to rename it my personal Rarepair February. If you like something, please let me know and maybe I could expand on that pair lol


End file.
